Death has touched us all, some more recently than others.
Grief has no actual timeline, no end point where we are suddenly "fine."
Each of us responds to our loss in different ways.
Each of us in our own way and on our own time figure out how to go on living without our special person.
With the holidays centering around family, friendship, joy, and laughter we are reminded of who is missing.
The Holidays become bittersweet-- seeing the joy around us but feeling the emptiness our special person has left.
We smile, laugh, yet tears are there.
Here are some thoughts that may ease you though this holiday season:
Thank your special person for being in your life.
Wish them well on their new journey.
Don’t hesitate to mention their name to others, to share memories, to say “she/he would have enjoyed this.”
It’s healing to laugh and to cry with others.
Write your special person a letter, a holiday card. Put down on paper your thoughts, feelings, your tears. Burn the letter or card and scatter the ashes to the wind.
Let how you go forward on your life adventure without your special person be the gift you give them.
This holiday season I am remembering many who are no longer with me. My parents, friends, friends’ husbands, acquaintances, and my own husband.
I am also remembering so many that are alive and in my life. My children, grandchildren, nursing school friends, high school friends, special friends.
I bless those in my life today.
I bless those that are no longer with me physically but who I carry in my memory.
I carry all of my special people in my heart this holiday season.
I also carry you, my community, who send me so much support everyday but especially supported me when Jack died this fall.
27 comments
Dearest Barbara, Thank You for your encouraging words. Having just lost my mom in October, and my Dad, 2 years ago, it is so hard to be motivated to celebrate anything. I miss them so much. I’m going to try to go forward using your suggestion to honor their lives, by living in joy. Blessings to you this holiday season too!
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BK Books replied:
Hi Shirley, have a joyful holiday while you hold your mom and dad in your heart. Blessings! Barbara
Barbara, even though the work you do to help educate others about dying and grieving is so powerful, I know that the death of your beloved husband takes you to a new realm of understanding. Wishing you peace on the journey. I lost my mom Christmas Day of 2005, and dad at Thanksgiving of 2009. This time of the year is not sad for me anymore, but it certainly isn’t what the holidays were like prior to their deaths. I simply give thanks for every day that I open my eyes and have a chance to make a difference in the world, whether it is in my work as a hospice bereavement coordinator, or my new studies to become an end of life doula through IDLM. ;-) Take good care of yourself!
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BK Books replied:
Kathy, It is exciting to hear you are studying with IDLM to be an EOL doula. I work with Anna and Pam frequently. An excellent program. Maybe I’ll see you on our next zoom session. Blessings to you in your new adventure. Blessings! Barbara
Dear Barbar
Thank you for your books and words of encouragement. I have a friend who recently lost her sister, her only sibling and I have shared your books with her. I know all too well the hole in our heart that losing someone you love makes but I also celebrate the joy of had having them in my life. Over the years I from sharing their stories and knowing that they are with me every day, that love never dies the hole in my heart is growing small each year.
May you feel the love of your husband as you celebrate the gift of the Christ Child this Christmas Season and thank you for help some many deal with their grief. God Bless Vivian
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BK Books replied:
Hi Vivian, thank you for your insightful words. Blessings to you this Holiday season. Barbara
Barbara you are an inspiration to everyone who comes to know you. I learned of your work from the hospice nurse who first cared for my mom. I wish I had read your “gone from my site” book as soon as it was given to me instead of after my mom passed. This Christmas you are part of the caregivers group who have also just lost a person close to us. I am sorry for your loss! And pray you take the great advice that you give all of your followers ❤️
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BK Books replied:
Hi Karen, interesting you say you wish you had read my booklet before your mom’s death. I keep suggesting hospice nurses read it with the family so they will have the guidance to see their special person is doing what is natural and normal. Blessings to you this holiday season. Barbara
Barbara,
I first bought your books when a friend from church passed away. I knew that my father in law would be passing soon and didn’t know how to cope. He passed this September. This email had perfect timing as my husband mourns this holiday season and cares for his mom.
Thank you for your words and your willingness to speak them. God bless you, Barbara!
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BK Books replied:
Brittany, my husband died in September also. We are watching his favorite Christmas movie Christmas Eve to include him in our activities. Blessings to you and your family. Barbara
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